True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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