She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
