there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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