went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
