I'm really into asian looking animals
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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