1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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