The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there's paper in my vomit.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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