The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
honey bunches of taint.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
