I puked a lego.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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