she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
