True but thats because hes a fetus.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
