I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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