I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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