mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
