he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
