halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
