i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can I color on your dick again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
