I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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