OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
