I love black thongs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
