I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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