every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
