who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
