A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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