Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
