I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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