Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
