I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
