Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
