Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
