Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
