Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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