I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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