if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
