Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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