Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
