she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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