She said her name was "party"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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