This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
