Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
