why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
