you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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