I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
