my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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