why didn't you poke me back
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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