the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
