that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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