we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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