brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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