Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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