The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
